I am from Philippines where beautiful and magical islands are located. I love the sand in my hair and the salt in the air. My thoughts are often kept at the back of my mind, but when I write everything seems to pop out of my mind. Old soul with a young heart.
Funny when people judge you on a situation they have never been or pain they never felt. Jumping into conclusion that makes you look the bad person as if you’re the villain and they are the oppressed. But the truth is, they are the culprit of what you have become. They can only hear you scream but never asked why. They can only see how you get mad but they never knew the story behind. What they can only see is you being so shallow on things but never knew why you came into that point. These people can only see the effect but they will never understand what you’ve been through to get into the peak of your emotions. Giving advice as if they know the whole story. Judging you like you’re the most shallow and unreasonable human being on earth. Giving unnecessary comments that will never help. These are the people you should never have in your life. Instead knowing the facts first they will abruptly judge you.
A boss once told me, “Never be sorry of your emotions”. It seems true because no one will ever understand your situation unless they are in your shoes. Cry if you want. Rant if you have to. Scream if it’ll make you feel better. Seek sympathy from those who know how to empathize. As far as you handle your emotions properly and you cause no harm to other people there is no need to apologize. Don’t worry about these kind of people and instead wish them that things like these won’t happen to them.
Isn’t it surprising that after four years or more the pain is still there and still crushing you? They say, just forgive and forget then move on. Easy to say but no matter how hard you try to forgive, forget and move on there is always a time that you can still remember the pain it caused you. You get emotional everytime and the funny thing there is no one will ever understand why you still bear that pain. People will say, “If you already forgave the person, why does it still affects you?”. Well, maybe because I can’t still understand up until now why it happened when all I do is to give what people want? It caused me so much pain that I even doubted myself. I lost my trust to myself and to people around me. So everytime I get to cross this certain person, all I can think is the pain they caused me. No good memories, just heartache. Everytime I look back I ask myself, “How can they possibly hurt someone this bad? Why they can afford to cause so much pain to a person that did nothing wrong to them? Why me?”. Sounds dramatic but damn, it lingers into my mind almost half a decade now. You see this what happpens to a person that have been hurt so bad most especially when they have high hopes to people. You might see them genuinely happy but deep inside there is always a mending heart. The pain never fades away, really. It’s not grudge, it’s just simply pain out of love. You know what’s the good thing about this? Is that you can always brave this pain.
This pain will motivate you to be a better person than those who hurt you.
At the end of the day, it’s your choice on how you will handle the pain. But just a reminder, always choose to be better and to do good.
Sampu – sampung taon ang agwat natin sa isa’t isa. Maraming beses akong nagtanong sa sarili ko kung tama ba na piliin ka. Hindi ko na inisip ang sasabihin ng iba.
Siyam – siyam na buwan bago mo ako tinanong ng, “can u be my girl friend?”
Walo – walong oras ka pang nagtatrabaho noon. Pero lagi kang nag-OOT para may pera tayo papunta sa pinakapaborito kong lugar.
Pito – pitong beses sa isang Linggo tayo nagkikita. Walang mintis ang pagka-miss natin sa isa’t isa.
Anim – anim na beses mo akong pinaniwala sa mga kasinungalingan mo.
Lima – limang babae lang ang pinagmumulan ng away natin.
Apat – “apat na taon na tayo nang niloko mo ako” ang sabi ni Lea sa pelikulang “Kita Kita”.
Tatlo – Tatlong araw akong di makakain nang maayos at laging walang tulog. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng buhay na patay.
Dalawa – Dalawang buwan bago ko nalaman ang pinakasamakit na katotohan. Shet. Huli ako sa balita.
Isa – Isang pagkakataon pa ulit para sa ating dalawa. Kahit ang dami ko nang sinabi na, “last na talaga” gusto pa kita bigyan ng pinaka-isa pang pagkakataon dahil dun ako masaya.
I miss you more than ever. But I have to stay away to know if you feel the same…
There are memories in the past that keeps haunting me and I just don’t know how to handle the pain it caused me. Knowing that it was you who hurt me.
If sometimes I am so sensitive.
I have felt how to be unimportant before. I experienced the struggle of wanting the attention from the person I love. I know the feeling of being zero value.
If sometimes I ignore you.
It’s just that I don’t know how to express what I really feel. It’s hard for me to tell what I truly feel scared that you might not understand it.
If I am overthinking the situation.
I am just scared that I might disappoint myself again that’s why I am thinking the worst instead. My instincts are mostly true based on my experiences, trust me.
If I find it hard to trust again.
I may have forgiven but the pain is still there. I am still trying to understand why it happened and why I let it happened. I once blamed myself for what happened but I learned that it was never my fault but rather it was your choice. It was your choice to betray me. However, I am helping myself to trust fully again even I am afraid that you might break it again. But that won’t break me. I know how to value myself now.
All I want you to do is to help me. Help me to overcome my own insecurities and trust issues. Just don’t feel bad.
It’s been years since I voluntarily cut my communications with you. It’s been years since we haven’t settled anything between us. It’s been years since I haven’t heard from you and you the same with me. I can’t even remember how you look like and how your voice sounds like. It’s weird because we’ve been best friends longer than being strangers to each other. Sometimes, you cross my mind and the memories we’ve shared. It reminds me how naive we were and how carefree we were. The mishaps we had and how we barely survived those. We shared our dreams and goals in life. We even imagined what our futures would look like and to whom we are going to share it with. We had our wildest dreams ever. Yes, I can still recall all of it. How we passionately talked about everything under the sun and how inseparable we were. Yes, we were inseparable before.
If our common friends would ask me if I miss the moments we used to share, I would say yes. Yes because everything that we’ve been through made me the person who I am today. I am not gonna deny it. I will never regret the day we’ve been friends and the days we shared together. Those memories are treasurable. The shenanigans, the adventures, the mishaps, and the emotional break downs we shared are all worth keeping. It seems that you are fine right now, though. I can see that you are happy wherever you are, whatever you have, and whoever you are with. I’m glad that you have finally having the life that you always wanted.
I’ve been unfair, I know. I am sorry for staying away from you without trying to look back on the things we’ve been through. Cutting you off without any explanation from me was quiet hard and I apologize for that. I drew myself away from you and killed my love for you. I decided to get rid of you impulsively. I am sorry for not trying to fix the mess between us and for not talking to you. I thought talking to you would makes it harder for me to cut you off and just forget the pain that you caused me. I was wrong not giving you a chance to explain your side. I was mad and hurt that time. I am sorry if I hurt you so bad and to the people who loved us both. I know it was hard for them, too.
I just want you to know that I chose to cut you off because our friendship was not healthy anymore. Just like in any relationship, it needs to stop since it is not helping me to grow as a person anymore. When you chose to spend your every night with your new found friends, I thought you have forgotten about us but I remained loyal to our friendship. I tried to understand you that you want to explore the company of other people but you tend to forgot about me and overlooked the dinner dates that we have set for our catch ups. It broke my heart but I silently remained to be your friend not until you crossed the border line. You were not the friend I met six years ago.
You can say I am the one who cut you off that easily but believe me, it was harder for me to accept. It was hard because I thought you were the friend that won’t hurt me at any cost. I thought you were the friend that would respect me and my beliefs. I thought that even we seldom talk because of our busy schedules you would always remember to say “Hi”. I thought despite the strong influence of the society today, you would always remember how sensitive I am as a person just the way I would always remember you. That it would be courteous enough if you will ask me things you don’t understand. Of course, you still do have your freedom to say and do whatever you want. But, I just thought you will be considerate enough not to hurt my feelings. I thought our friendship is bounded by respect and love for each other and not by the standard of the society. I thought the friendship we built was unbreakable.
But to be honest, I am fine with your absence. I continued my life without you and I am still fulfilling the dreams I told you. I thought you were necessary in my life but when you stepped out from it, everything seems better. It felt good that I am no longer wondering if you really need someone like me in your life. I have always thought you might need me but I realized you just need me if you ask for it. Locking my doors to you gave me a deeper meaning of true friendship and it’s not the friendship I had with you.
All I hope is that you’re doing okay right now. That someday, you will be able to reach your dreams and goals in life too. And that someday, you might be able to find that genuine friendship and have those permanent people in your life.
Mount Pinatubo became well known because of its destructive volcanic eruption back in 1991 and was the second largest volcanic eruption in the 20th century. In fact, its massive eruption contributed to ozone depletion and worldwide decrease in temperature. Affecting 30,000 lives and billions of properties, Mt. Pinatubo was really felt. Devastating as it may be, but Mt. Pinatubo’s eruption left us stunning sights to which most of the tourists are enjoying up to this day.
Mt. Pinatubo is located in the middle of Zambales, Pampanga, and Tarlac. It is a two-hour drive from Manila to Capas, Tarlac town proper and another 30 minutes travel to Municipal Tourism Satellite Office of Sta. Juliana. Registration starts as early as 5 A.M. and cut off time is at 6 A.M. In the registration area, you have to fill up an information sheet and sign a waiver as well. This is where you have to pay for conservation and tour guide fees. Now, don’t get confused because there will be another fee that you are required to in Botolan area as you go your way to the crater since it’s a different municipal already.
You need to rent a 4×4 jeep to reach the drop-off point going to the crater and be ready for an hour bumpy ride! But worry not, because the sights along the way are stunning! Every view will capture your attention and you’ll get puzzled on where to look. It’s like you’re in a different world, seriously! While we were on our way, I kept telling to myself, “grabe, ang ganda!”.
From the drop-off point, you will start to trek for 2-3 hours depending on your pace. It’s better to start as early as 7 AM so that it’ll not be too hot to trek. There will be a lot of river crossing going to the trek but it’s not as hard as you imagine. There are some parts that are rocky road so you have to be extra careful to avoid tripping over.
After an hour of trekking, you’ll reach the Botolan station, which is the boundary of Zambales and Tarlac. This is where you have to pay different conservation fees. There is a sari-sari store available in Botolan station and you can also rest your feet before proceeding to another one-hour trek to the crater.
After a short trek from Botolan station, you’ll reach the stop over area going to Mt. Pinatubo. There are rest rooms and cottages available where you can catch your breath before proceeding. This is also the area where you can spot the famous Mt. Pinatubo’s signage.
The trail from here going to the crater itself is cooler since there are trees along the way and there will be more river crossings as well.
Ascending to the peak of Mt. Pinatubo is not that hard since there are already concrete stairs going up. You’re adrenaline rush will suddenly boost once you see the welcome sign of Mt. Pinatubo!
From that point, a breathtaking view will welcome you. When I got there, it was like I’m in a different place at all! It was a scenic view that you can’t take your eyes off once you laid on it. You’ll be amazed by what the eruption did to the place. It’ll take your worries away.
There are cottages in the area where you can have your lunch or you can do it under the shade of tree if you want. It’s free of charge, anyway. Just be mindful of your trashes and don’t litter anywhere. The tour guides bring their own plastic bags but still, you have to be responsible with your own trash. Also, don’t forget to share your packed lunch with your tour guide or whatever snacks you have.
Swimming is not allowed so don’t try to break this rule because your tour guide might get suspended if you do so. When we were there, some foreigner still broke the rule and it’s really disappointing since there is already signage saying “No Lifeguard. Swimming is not allowed”.
You can stay there long enough to recharge your energy for another 2-hour trek back to the drop-off point. You can take your photo ops or just enjoy the view since there is no cellular signal everywhere. Perfect time to spend your muni-muni time.
Pinatubo trekking fees:
3,000 – 4×4 vehicle rental (maximum of 5 passengers)
500 – local guide (group of 5 pax)
Fees charged per person:
300 – conservation/maintenance fee
700 – Botolan, Zambales Fee
Guests ages from 40 years old to 59 years old are required to present their proper identification such as passport or government issued IDs. For those who are 60 years and above, they have to present either medical certificate and health insurance or medical practitioner or travel insurance together with their identification cards.