March 20, 2016
It’s been years since I voluntarily cut my communications with you. It’s been years since we haven’t settled anything between us. It’s been years since I haven’t heard from you and you the same with me. I can’t even remember how you look like and how your voice sounds like. It’s weird because we’ve been best friends longer than being strangers to each other. Sometimes, you cross my mind and the memories we’ve shared. It reminds me how naive we were and how carefree we were. The mishaps we had and how we barely survived those. We shared our dreams and goals in life. We even imagined what our futures would look like and to whom we are going to share it with. We had our wildest dreams ever. Yes, I can still recall all of it. How we passionately talked about everything under the sun and how inseparable we were. Yes, we were inseparable before.
If our common friends would ask me if I miss the moments we used to share, I would say yes. Yes because everything that we’ve been through made me the person who I am today. I am not gonna deny it. I will never regret the day we’ve been friends and the days we shared together. Those memories are treasurable. The shenanigans, the adventures, the mishaps, and the emotional break downs we shared are all worth keeping. It seems that you are fine right now, though. I can see that you are happy wherever you are, whatever you have, and whoever you are with. I’m glad that you have finally having the life that you always wanted.
I’ve been unfair, I know. I am sorry for staying away from you without trying to look back on the things we’ve been through. Cutting you off without any explanation from me was quiet hard and I apologize for that. I drew myself away from you and killed my love for you. I decided to get rid of you impulsively. I am sorry for not trying to fix the mess between us and for not talking to you. I thought talking to you would makes it harder for me to cut you off and just forget the pain that you caused me. I was wrong not giving you a chance to explain your side. I was mad and hurt that time. I am sorry if I hurt you so bad and to the people who loved us both. I know it was hard for them, too.
I just want you to know that I chose to cut you off because our friendship was not healthy anymore. Just like in any relationship, it needs to stop since it is not helping me to grow as a person anymore. When you chose to spend your every night with your new found friends, I thought you have forgotten about us but I remained loyal to our friendship. I tried to understand you that you want to explore the company of other people but you tend to forgot about me and overlooked the dinner dates that we have set for our catch ups. It broke my heart but I silently remained to be your friend not until you crossed the border line. You were not the friend I met six years ago.
You can say I am the one who cut you off that easily but believe me, it was harder for me to accept. It was hard because I thought you were the friend that won’t hurt me at any cost. I thought you were the friend that would respect me and my beliefs. I thought that even we seldom talk because of our busy schedules you would always remember to say “Hi”. I thought despite the strong influence of the society today, you would always remember how sensitive I am as a person just the way I would always remember you. That it would be courteous enough if you will ask me things you don’t understand. Of course, you still do have your freedom to say and do whatever you want. But, I just thought you will be considerate enough not to hurt my feelings. I thought our friendship is bounded by respect and love for each other and not by the standard of the society. I thought the friendship we built was unbreakable.
But to be honest, I am fine with your absence. I continued my life without you and I am still fulfilling the dreams I told you. I thought you were necessary in my life but when you stepped out from it, everything seems better. It felt good that I am no longer wondering if you really need someone like me in your life. I have always thought you might need me but I realized you just need me if you ask for it. Locking my doors to you gave me a deeper meaning of true friendship and it’s not the friendship I had with you.
All I hope is that you’re doing okay right now. That someday, you will be able to reach your dreams and goals in life too. And that someday, you might be able to find that genuine friendship and have those permanent people in your life.