Why I’m not happy after college?

It has been three months today since I walked down the aisle of the plenary hall wearing my baccalaureate toga to receive my certificate of graduation and medal for being Cum Laude. It was one magical and unbelievable moment in my life because after four years in college, I will finally be landing on my dream job and be financially independent which is the best thing after college. 

Disclaimer: even before our graduation day came, I was able to find a work on a project base basis advertising agency. 

So going back, as I was walking down the aisle, thoughts were popping out on my mind. First, after this very long ceremony I will go back to my work and earn money. Second, after my contract in that hilarious advertising agency I will look for a job that will satisfy my passion, traveling. And third, since I was already employed, I am once step ahead from my batch mates and besides graduating as Cum Laude is an advantage. I know, I was a little bit competitive but who could’ve blame an excited soon-to-be working adult? Graduation day ended and and ready to go back to work. But then I realised I was not happy on what really I was doing. Everyday when I come to the office, I would first go to the bathroom and cry then ended up praying. Praying that hopefully this contract will end soon. I was not really happy then. My heart was not on what I was doing the entire time and I was just fooling myself because of my ego: “I have a job right after college, that means I am on my road to success” and that’s how it supposed to be, right? Well, that ego brought me to the job that doesn’t really aligned with my degree and most importantly my passion. I go to work like a robot trying to finish everything as soon as I can because I want to go home early and lay on my bed. Then, I began to realise the advice of my witty friend, “Getting a job right after college won’t define your self-worth” which is damn true! When I got hired, I felt different about myself in a vey best way but it didn’t last longer than I expected. Days went by and I felt like I don’t belong here though my workmates were easy to get along with. I felt like a trying hard idiot competing everyone I know at my age but still ended up being a loser. I became the person that is seeking for self-worthiness because I lost it when I thought I had it by the time I had my job. Being a degree holder is something that could boost your self-esteem on a greater value. And it’s not bad at all. But what’s after that? Find yourself a job that could suffice your self-worth? What if it’ll take too long? Would you settle on something that couldn’t make you happy? Now this is what I am realising after almost two months of not working. Stretching my arms and embracing whatever God has planned for me.